Fear

I fear about my past, mistakes after mistakes.
Blame myself for being too naive, too stupid. Trusting people too easily till it makes me fear about everything that is gonna happen or repeat over & over on me again. I never will pin high hopes now neither will i expect much as i know it will only leads to huge disappointment. UNLESS someone proves me wrong, I fear, I lost faith in everything & i lost faith in myself too. Being too sensitive sometimes, got tense up easily, venting my attitude to innocent people. This is so not me, why? what makes me changed into such unreasonable girl.

I know i should have see through people clearly, i am thankful to have some lovely friends to stay by my side hearing me out. & someone who leads me well, who is you. I hope you won't be like others, Don't make me disappointed. (:

Telling myself i am not young anymore, should really think and stable myself down.
Shouldn't bother much for the time being.. It is time to focus on my upcoming exams.
Don't wish flunk it anymore..

I need some pressure to force my self to study...

Past is like a history now.

Been reflecting myself, thinking about the past which makes me regret a lot.
Its kinda sucks to get myself into such miserable states,
Telling myself i have finally get out of everything and started to love my life now i shouldn't have grumble so much. Learning from all those mistake i have made, choosing the wrong ones, being bad mouth by those peoples & etc I'd rather be alone..... then making myself suffer & mind what others says about me...
I am tired, it always happen during the week before exams!

It just made me moody at times, hopefully no more suffering this time round. I need a short getaway, 2012 isn't a good year for me by losing grandma is one of the worst things that happen this year, i still can remember how she suffer inside the hospital..those pain & breathing difficulties.. sigh... now i just wish 2013 to arrive faster!

My attitude have been very very bad, as always. I don't know why either, am trying my best to change. The way i talk to parents, & friends.  Its a habit of me talking in such attitude ways, tell me how to change?!!

I know i am immature sometimes, the way i behave and react is over exaggerating. Habit habit, its a habit to me now. dang shit!


I feel stupid enough for not listening to others advise, end up making myself suffered. Lesson learned, Need to see things clearly before i made the wrong moves again ...


Finding someone who can makes me happy & stay with me forever isn't easy.
it just takes times. I wish, i hope & i want U.

Stabling a relationship ain't easy! both parties have to understand each other well, its a tough challenge.
Honeymoon period don't last.. Just want someone to prove me wrong!

Someone who can makes me happy everyday,
Someone who can find time just to meet for awhile despite how tired he is.
someone who is always there to listen to my grumbles.
Someone who always called me during free times to make me smile like an idiot.
someone who always send sweet messages to brighten up my days.
someone who makes me forget every past of mine.
someone who can be very understanding.
someone who motivate me to work harder for my studies.

Yes you, thank you for everything. I just wish all this will last...
I know i can never predict what's gonna happen, but i want you to be my future!

As school starts..

Last 2 modules to go before school ended, been busy preparing for my assignment, exam etc..

having hard time to manage my time, exhausted.

So little time, so many things to handle.

Hopefully i can have a short getaway trip after my upcoming exam have finish.

Too tough, didn't know by working and schooling together can be so tired.

I just need a break...

Am considering to take up another course which is pastry, shall start with basic first if i can find a flexible timing for pastry class. It would be nice if i can find a class which is nearer to my place instead of travelling through & flow..

One more month 2012 will be ending, and i still have like 9 more months to enjoy my youth before i step into 21st next year. Am still planning how should i celebrate, was hoping that granny will be around to celebrate w me. Seeing & hearing her laughter just makes me happy, but i know she wanted to celebrate every occasions we have with us just that she have no more chance. well, bet she will be watching us from heaven. (:

Will i have a memorable birthday next year? Without any doubts? 

The only granny's laughter video i am left with before she left us. I miss you ah ma!